Happiness on Tap

At Least there Are Now False Contractions!!

All night last night and all day today. Not intense enough to be real, not painful enough or startling enough or regular enough --- but I'll take false ones over nothing!

Also, I actually FOCUSED on work today, for the first time in 100 years or so, and accomplished a wee bit. That made ONE hour or so pass quickly ... the rest of the time I contemplated my navel (such as it is) and walked around a bit. 

I came home and made dinner, made brownies, cleaned up after BOTH and now am just sitting down --- I think my husband might faint --- I haven't been that productive in, oh, 40 weeks or so. I usually just claim pregnancy as my disability and sit on the couch, moaning. But today, today I felt like brownies and homemade mac & cheese, so that is what we had. 

Off to walk and walk and walk some more. :)

In Other News

Okay, so I'm still pregnant --- let's talk about something else. The weather? I hate talking about the weather. Oh! What about competition between moms? Yes indeedy. I'm on the lookout for it all the time, hypersensitive to it, and usually willing to say anything negative about Oliver (not really, but definitely not braggy) just to shut down any, well, does he do THIS yet? crap. 

But one friend of mine just sets me off --- I'm so competitive with her. I keep it silent, but inside I'm completely --- OH YEAH, WELL MY BABY DID THAT MONTHS AGO. No idea why this person brings out the jerk in me (different topic --- perhaps I am just a jerk?) --- but there it is. 

I just have to let the visit go as it goes, and then think BRAGGING thoughts about Oliver all the live-long day. Which, you know, I do anyway. 

40 Weeks, 3 Days

In summary, I'm tired. 

And grouchy. 

Oh, and hungry. 

And tired. 

Cooking longer means she'll sleep so much better, right? 

Impromptu Dinner Party

SO --- Jason sent me flowers today, and the card didn't even say (as it should have): BOY ARE YOU SNAPPY, IS IT POSSIBLE YOU WILL BE NICE TO ME TONIGHT?? But the flowers were so gorgeous that I decided I COULD be nice to him tonight. Making the whole process better? Our awesome, perfect, glowing, I've-always-struggled-to-make-friend-in-DC-but-this-is-so-easy neighborhood. We didn't have big plans for dinner, or a lot of food, so this morning we realized we had the stuff for Mush --- something named by an old boss' teenage sons, that tastes a BUNCH better than it sounds. Brown rice, black beans, soy sauce, an onion, hot sauce, cheese, and a whole head of kale. Trust me. 

Anyway, my favorite neighbor and her daughter were alone tonight --- husband working late --- and so I called and said --- our dinner is vegetarian, and so are you --- come over! So she did. Then, while we were hanging out my across the street neighbor came by with her two kids. So we had three 15-18 month olds, and one 3-year-old. I asked Jen to dinner, too, and her husband happened to be gone tonight, and she was really grateful. 

So, we went from no meal and another crappy night of me yelling at Jason to a wonderful impromptu dinner party where babies talked to each other as best they could, adults enjoyed the admittedly odd sounding but DELICIOUS meal, and the babies even ate a bit! Every bite of the meal was consumed, and then all babies and moms were packed up for baths. 

What a lovely way to spend the evening before my due date. Also --- Allyson's high chair arrived (thanks, Mom!) and Jason put it together, so two babies got to sit in high chairs! It was just a very cool evening, and leaves me not thinking THAT MUCH about how overdue this baby is going to go ... :)

Equilibrium of Last Night? Gone.

So let's talk about football, to avoid my hormonal sobbing at my sweet daughter still not even giving me mild contractions. My husband and his entire family love football. His very generous, very kind, very flexible mother somehow stood VERY FIRMLY against any of her four sons (all big, strong kids) play football --- and Jason is still kind of, well, not resentful, exactly, but wishes he could have played. He has big dreams of Oliver playing. 

I deal with it by thinking about how surely he'll grow up to be a quiet reader, like me, or that he'll love soccer, or ... I just kind of don't deal with it. And then, this week's New Yorker has a Malcolm Gladwell article (and we all know how excellent Gladwell, author of Tipping Point, Blink, etc. is) about how old football stars, or even young former football stars, have just WRECKED brains from bouncing around so much inside their helmets. And he concludes that there is no solution --- as long as people are in the audience (we are, in spirit at least, every Saturday watching the Florida Gators (Jason's team)) cheering and happy, football will continue. And as long as football will continue --- head injuries will, too. 

So --- I'm fine with football, but ... NOT MY OLIVER! But again, let's come back to life, he's 18 months old -- they aren't recruiting him just yet. But he is big for his age --- oh, I dunno. It's so tough to have these theoretical discussions. I don't want to disappoint Jason, but I am leaning toward a ban on football, myself. Have any of you struggled with these issues? 

Still Here, Still Pregnant

Obviously, I don't mind being grouchy on this blog --- really, I think it is all I've done since I launched it in January. But I took last week off because sitting at my desk every single night typing SHE'S STILL NOT HERE MY GOODNESS BABY WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU THINKING seemed too much even for me. 

Some how, some way, I've gotten some perspective by this week. A. her due date isn't even until Thursday, so why have I been so impatient? B. Oliver came early (one week exactly), but we went on a FOUR MILE walk the night before, to encourage him, and my water broke without a single contraction. Which leads me to believe he wasn't quite ready, and I kind of evicted him. I vow not to do the same with wee Allyson. C. I tell myself that yes, she'll be bigger, but she'll also POSSIBLY sleep MORE. Which would be a miracle in and of itself. 

Not to mention that I am sleeping great, Oliver is a sleeping champion, and we are all gathering our sleep while we may. 

Finally, I realized that I am obsessed (really) with her coming on her due date, because the day after is SCORPIO. I'm so not into signs that I don't know the sign of Oliver (my son) or Jason (my husband), but I had a college roommate that was very into signs (but also very cool) and who was TOTALLY OBSESSED with how Scorpios were BAD, BAD, BAD. So I've been obsessing about it --- again, someone who barely knows her own sign. I finally told Jason about it, and he searched for cool Scorpios. Sure, I wish Sylvia Plath weren't one -- great poetry, and all, but a bit of a hard ending --- but it turns out BOTH Simon AND Garfunkel were Scorpios --- surely Allyson can be in their company? 

And surely I can get a hold of myself. Maybe? Anyway, she's moving happily, no false contractions, no water breaking --- we're all just hanging out, perhaps eating a bit more chocolate than we should. 

Also --- my nesting instinct is not about cleaning, this time --- I'm buying stuff like CRAZY. Oliver got, this weekend, new trucks, a new ramp for the trucks, new shoes, new clothes, and we bought Allyson her high chair, cloth diaper stuff (she'll mainly be using O's, but when he was a newborn we bought a sampler pack to see what we would like. So now we know what we like but only have one of them in a sampler pack), and more. My parents bought some, but the rest just came out of my sheer craziness. Anyone else nest in an unusual fashion? 

Boy, I had a lot of "news" --- or what passes for it in my life --- ready to share with the blog. Feels good to be back!

Standing By (Or, Alternatively, 100 days left)

So, today, there were two WEENSY and yet ... you know, long-avoided, tasks I had to complete at work. I'd sent away the huge (and very long shot) federal grant proposal, I'd finished editing the manuscript for our book, all that remained was calling some people to speak at an upcoming conference, and making an Excel spreadsheet of what was missing, course wise, from our education program. Could this get any more boring? THE POINT IS: I FINISHED BOTH!! Just in time to run for the bus. 

As I left the office, the notepad where I jot my to-do list was BLANK, and I literally had nothing to do. I can edit the magazine tomorrow a.m., if I'm in the office, and there are always small fires to put out --- but if I leave today, I feel confident that nothing is left undone. 

So --- the big announcement? The water breaking, the contractions starting, even the grossosity of losing my mucous plug? Nope, nope, nope. Just another late-pregnancy evening. Thankfully Jason came home early and took Oliver to a neighbor's house, so I just made dinner (oh I was craving our plainest dinner of quesadillas, but, of course, we were out of tortillas!! So I made pork chops, box mac and cheese (FOR SHAME) and zucchini and kale. Not plain, but a pretty good dinner) and then put the bub to bed. 

Speaking of our incredibly lovely offspring, Oliver has a bit of a cough and a stuffy nose. We're taking him to the doc in the a.m. (he already had his flu shot), and we have him propped up on a mattress (pillow under the mattress) so that helps with the coughing. But the nose cleaning? That falls to me and Jason. Jason holds him, I suck out all the nasty gross plentiful boogers and snot. Oliver? Oh, he's the screaming, red-faced, rage-filled one we are trying to hold down. He HATES it. I know all children do, but literally this is an AWFUL part of parenting for me --- holding down your son to do things that he HATES. Let's just say I hope his nose clears up soon. 

Anyway. Nothing to do now but wait ... and wait ... and wait .... :)

Just a Record of Me, Being a Jerk

Part of me is glad I've started writing a blog, that there will be a tiny, slightly grouchy, reminder of these lovely days of growing our family. Part of me is sad that I am able to write down, daily, what an utter jerk I am, especially to my husband, during my pregnancy. The latest? Mayonnaise in the potato salad. I would tell you more about it --- how MUCH he added, how LONG I spent chopping all the vegetables, how BETRAYED I felt by his adding of the mayonnaise, but ... but ... I realize that it is utterly ridiculous. I always realize that about, oh, 24 hours after I lose my mind. This time I was at least able to keep quiet and NOT shout at him (about something totally ridiculous) until I got a hold of myself, but it doesn't make it any better. I felt so red with rage, and yet so completely aware of my own ridiculousness. 

I hope my children don't inherit this part of me --- although surely it is exacerbated by pregnancy? I hope so --- if this is how I am every day, MY GOODNESS I'M AWFUL. 

Anyway. Just want you to know --- we have lots of potato salad. And it actually tastes pretty good. 

Single Parenting, Short Term

So, Jason has had evening work plans TWICE in the past two weeks, after not having had any for the past year or so. Yes, in my 38th week. He can't help it, and he rushes home, but I'm still exhausted in advance. The funny thing is --- it's not that bad. I mean, I miss him (and Oliver misses him), but we eat MUCH simpler dinners (tonight for me: cereal. for Oliver: cheerios and eggs), we clean as we go --- I even washed Oliver tonight in the bath (a much despised task, since he cries and cries) and it wasn't that big a deal. 

I wish I would remember this when I start throwing my endless temper tantrums about HIS WORK and how much he has to do and blah, blah, blah. Yes, I prefer our life WITH him in it, as much as possible, but it is OKAY if he has to be gone every now and then. 

Just not for long! Counting the minutes now ...

Full Term

We made it! Today, Allyson is 37 weeks old, I can feel her kicking even as we speak, and ... well, and it is a full "we" because Jason both cooked and cleaned for dinner. God bless him. 

Also, today when I picked up Oliver he pushed BOTH other kids in his class. I know that ALL parents think that their children are gentle, but I truly believe that Oliver is gentle. So, when I saw him push someone his own age and someone smaller, I just felt so sad. I KNOW he's a baby, and I KNOW he's just learning and growing, but sheesh. 

The doctor said that when he is mean to the new baby, we should just move the baby and ignore it --- he is looking for attention of any kind, and we shouldn't give it to him. I cried about today's two kids --- and they are not mine! How will I feel when his sadness and anger are directed at Allyson? Conflicted, I tell you. 

Also today, I got my ANNUAL (yes, annual) haircut. The hairdresser at the fancy salon (first I tried saving money by going to Supercuts, but Jason had to trim more "they didn't get this hunk of hair, either" off my head than the hairdresser did, so I decided fancy but infrequent) was horrified --- you could tell he thought of my dead ends as a rat to be cut off. But, whatever snobby guy, I still look really good now --- thanks!

I think the FLICKR picture tomorrow will be of me, full term, hugely pregnant, and with my fancy new haircut. Accompanied by my awesome team of Jason and Oliver, of course ... (I think I'm more on their team than vice versa, but whatever)